i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
