the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
