I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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