maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
