good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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