I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
