I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
