I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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