so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
