Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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