Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
