enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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