oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
