How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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