For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Randomize
