it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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