well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
