If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I miss vodka workout Fridays
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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