his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
