I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize