I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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