and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
