I think my fart just growled at me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
is wine microwaveable?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
