walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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