This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
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