All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
