Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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