I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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