I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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