alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
