He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
