Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
