Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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