i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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