I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
