we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
