so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize