ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I AM VODKA MAN
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
