I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize