im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You made out with two different species that night
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
