Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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