Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
