I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize