so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
