btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
