Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
