i think i have two assholes
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Randomize
