I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
