A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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