Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
