omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
