i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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