The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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