Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
