Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
