I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
