did you get engaged???
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
