i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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