I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize