I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
