Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
