So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
