i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
