I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize