i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
