I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize