Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
