I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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