and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
