I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
