a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
