then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
