I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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