just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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