Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
