The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
