i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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