dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
