so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
