Yo dont text me then not text me
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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