I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
