doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
