God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
