Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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