There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
