I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
