def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
