"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
