16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Alive.
So much puke
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
