i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
