I heard we made out
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
