just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
