How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
