So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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