Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
