On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we're making bets on your personal life
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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