I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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