Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize