After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
